Rock and Roll Olympics (Part 1)

For the first time in Olympic history, musicians from around the world competed in London in a number of events to win the gold, silver, and bronze medals for their countries. A novel feature of these competitions is that musicians both living and deceased were eligible for the games. Tonight featured the gold medal match in the rock band competition, held at the Royal Albert Hall. Each country was allowed five bands and two alternates. From the original field of 16, the United States beat Ireland in their semi-final match, despite a very strong performance from U2, The Cranberries, and The Pogues. The other finalist was team England, who bested Australia’s sonic onslaught headlined by AC/DC, INXS, Men at Work, and Midnight Oil. Earlier today, Ireland took bronze as Bono led his team in a tumultuous medley of “Sunday Bloody Sunday” and “New Year’s Day” from their 1983 album War. A 15-minute version of “Back in Black” by the Aussies was strong, but it did not impress the judges.

Team America were the underdogs; most critics thought their line-up was too diverse, and there were rumors of intra-squad tensions. Team coach Bruce Springsteen first chose the veteran band The Beach Boys who insisted that the Jimi Hendrix Experience be part of the team, in spite of the British citizenship of two of their members. The Brits cried foul, so Hendrix added his Band of Gypsies musicians to tip the scales in favor of the Yanks. Jimi lobbied for the inclusion of Sly and the Family Stone, a band many were afraid might miss the team flight. The Velvet Underground were chosen for their influence rather than their commercial success, and The Ramones were added to beef up the team’s overall menace quotient. Many American rockers were concerned that the overall team lacked in volume, so Nirvana and Metallica joined the squad as alternates.

The heavily favored English squad was loaded with talent. Led by The Beatles, two other British Invasion bands made the cut: The Rolling Stones and The Who. Hard rock pioneers Led Zeppelin and punk rockers The Clash rounded out the team. The alternates were Pink Floyd and young upstarts Radiohead. Fans of Queen, Cream, and The Police made strong cases for their favorite artists, but in the end team captain John Lennon went for sheer volume and intensity when choosing his team.

Tomorrow, the Americans take the stage...